Thinkers Anonymous

[Relocated from 6:39PM, 18 December 2005]

This explains so much

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and
then to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led to another, and
soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone
"to relax," I told myself - but I knew it wasn't true.

Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was
thinking all the time. I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking
and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself.

I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and
Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it
exactly we are doing here?"

Things weren't going so great at home either.
One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife
about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's.

I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the boss called
me in. He said, "Skippy, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your
thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the
job, you'll have to find another job."

This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my
conversation with the boss. Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..."
"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"
"But Honey, surely it's not that serious. "It is serious," she said,
lower lip a quiver. "You think as much as college professors, and
college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking
we won't have any money!" "That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently,
and she began to cry.

I'd had enough. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out
the door. I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche,
with NPR on the radio. I roared into the parking lot and ran up to the big glass
doors... they didn't open. The library was closed.

To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me
that night. As I sank to the ground clawing at the unfeeling glass,
whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. "Friend is heavy
thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You probably recognize that line.
It comes from the standard Thinker's Anonymous poster.

Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker.
I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a
noneducational video; last week it was "Porky's." Then we share
experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting. I
still have my job, and things are a lot better at home.
Life just seemed... easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.
Soon, I will be able to vote Republican.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Don't bother me now, I'm watching Survivor."\\

I Needed This About Now

[Relocated from 1:16 PM, 18 December 2005]

And so do you.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "I like you, too."\\

Seven Things Kathe Sent Me

Seven Things Kathe Sent Me:
1. A link to this amusing T-shirt: http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts/gaming/713e/
2. A link to Suzette Haden Elgin's blog, where she spoke of a curtious health problem and its eventual resolution.
3. A link to Echidna of the Snakes, and the worst newspaper headline ever.
4. A link to an article about one of Kathe's favorite critters, the slime mold, with an excuse to use the phrase "fossil sex".
5. A link to Language Log, where this sentence is dissected: The depth of how much I deeply do not care about this would be impossible to overstate, though I will try.

6. A link to Making Light, for which her only comment was, "Speechless, right?"
7. A link to that "Seven Things" meme that's been going around.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "You'll have to ask the Annoying Seven-Ball about that."\\

The Ministry of Reshelving

At Avant Game, they're up to silly things:

How to Serve the Ministry of Reshelving

1. Select a local bookstore to carry out your reshelving activities.

2. Download and print "This book has been relocated by the Ministry of Reshelving" bookmarks and "All copies of 1984 have been relocated" notecards to take with you to the bookstore. Or make your own. We recommend bringing a notecard and 5-10 bookmarks to each store.

3. Go to the bookstore and locate its copies of George Orwell's 1984. Unless the Ministry of Reshelving has already visited this bookstore, it is probably currently incorrectly classified as "Fiction" or "Literature."

4. Discreetly move all copies of 1984 to a more suitable section, such as "Current Events", "Politics", "History", "True Crime", or "New Non-Fiction."

5. Insert a Ministry of Reshelving bookmark into each copy of any book you have moved. Leave a notecard in the empty space the books once occupied.

6. If you spot other incorrectly classified books, feel free to relocate them.

7. Please report all reshelving efforts to the Ministry. Email your store name, location, # of 1984 copies reshelved, and any other reshelving activities conducted, to reshelving @ avantgame.com. Photos of your mission can be uploaded to Flickr, tagged as "reshelving", and submitted to the Ministry of Reshelving group.

Our goal is to relocate one thousand nine hundred and eighty-four copies, and to complete successful reshelving of 1984 in all 50 United States. Global contributions are welcome.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "What am I doing here in the egg tray?"\\

Pot Smoking Saves Lives

I know it does. As a Hospital Corpsman in the U.S. Navy, I saw the difference between the patients who were undergoing chemotherapy with only the futile government-approved anti-nausea drugs to support them, and the ones who were risking dishonorable discharges by using the safest and most effective antinausea medication available.

[Caution: Adult content follows]

The other day, the Oregon Legislature passed new legislation, increasing access to medicinal marijuana while closing loopholes that created the possibility of abuse.

The headline in the Salem Statesman-Journal read, "New laws include medical-marijuana changes"

In the Eugene Register-Guard, the headline was "New year's laws give patients more pot"

Here in little old Corvallis, the Gazette-Times said, "Pot laws change for med users"

But I prefer Kathe's own headline: "Oregon to Feds: Fuck Off!"

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Speak the truth to power".\\

485 Children Missing (Not on Aruba)

Two elementary schools' worth of kids who are Just. Plain. Missing.

And to think that Bush is going to be impeached over nothing worse than illegal domestic spying.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Don't delay -- act now".\\

Christmas Letter, 2005

Contact Light, December 2005, by John M. Burt, 960 SW Jefferson Avenue, Corvallis, Oregon 97333 USA // john_m_burt@hotmail.com // (541) 753-6094
[“Contact light”: Buzz Aldrin’s terse observation that a pressure sensor had tripped, indicating that the Eagle’s feet had touched down. Thus, the first words spoken from the Lunar surface.]
Life goes on
It’s been a year since the last Contact Light. Some years, I’ve sent out two or three issues, but I’ve been busy this year, especially the last few months. After two years of taking prerequisite courses and submitting applications, I was accepted to nursing school, and I’ve just finished the first term. Barely.
Blessed be
Everyone warned me that it would be difficult to work full-time and also go to nursing school, but we really couldn’t afford for me not to. Working night shifts at one job and mornings at another, with classes in the afternoon and “clinical instruction” shifts at Lebanon Community Hospital in the evenings, and massage clients whenever I could schedule them, I often got only two or four hours’ sleep in every 24. I don’t think a single day passed in which I didn’t have work, school or both. I joked that I was embracing a clock-free cyberpunk lifestyle, but as the term progressed I was runing down badly and was too stressed out to even notice how bad the situation was.
Keep on truckin’
School was closed for a four-day Thanksgiving weekend, and so was the day job. I had arranged to have time off the night job during those days, too, so I had the eerie experience of a couple of days in which I could not only do what I wanted during the day, but actually sleep at night. I went back to school in good enough shape to be actually aware of how close I had come to utter collapse, and resolved to do things differently from then on. The first application of this determination was that I begged off a night shift before an 8AM final. Now, that may seem to you like an obvious thing to do, but at the beginning of the term I would have shrugged and said, “No problem.” [By the way: I passed.]
Take care
Things are going to be different Winter term. For one thing, I’m going to insist on at least one actual day off every week. A small concession to mortality, but it’s a major commitment for me, and it’s not going to be easy to fit it into the appalling schedule of a student nurse working 40+ hours a week..
Live strong
After years of hard work sustaining the Willamette Valley Community School, Kathe finally resigned from the board. Now she has time and energy for other projects, like restoration work on the house and sewing. She has a talent for fiber art which she doesn’t fully appreciate, and I’m hoping she will continue to create things like the projects she’s already done this fall. Kathe’s health remains a concern, but she’s had no new crises this year (touch wood).
Don’t take any Wood & Ickels’
Michu (aka Mestowet) was living in Dallas, Texas, but is now in Las Vegas, working hard and putting away money. We’d worry more about her being so far away, except that she’s with one of her Ethiopian relatives and embedded in the local Ethiopian expatriate community, and our experience is that they’re good people. Biftu (aka Asnakech) is still in Portland. Tesfaye was living with her for awhile but is currently back with us and looking for work in Corvallis. Waldy went on an extended road trip with friends this summer and came back in one piece. He’s looking at going back to school.
Take it easy but take it
The face of Corvallis is changing rapidly just now. Most noticable to us is the remaking of the block next to ours, an entire block of aging apartment houses being replaced by new buildings where the housing density (and the rents) will be dramatically higher. 1) It was sad to see the old houses go, 2) it was amusing to have an unobstructed view to the west for a couple of months, 3) it’s currently interesting to watch the construction in progress, and doubtless 4) we’ll soon be numb to the presence of the monolithic apartment blocks across the street.
Don’t let them get you down
A few blocks further from the house, next to the beautifully refurbished former train depot, a couple of buildings that had been moved there from elsewhere are finally being renovated. About time: they’d sat there up on blocks for years. The larger of the two buildings has an amusing history: at various times it had been used by the University’s agriculture department as classrooms and as a grain bin.
Walk tall
Across the tracks from the refurbished buildings, an immense new apartment block is going up. We’re still getting used to being able to see the thing from our house, and now we can look forward to getting used to seeing an even taller apartment building looming over the riverfront.
Speak the truth, as it is given to you to understand it
Also on the riverfront, the Benton County Historical Society pulled a bait and switch, proposing to use the historic Copeland Lumber building to house the long-awaited new museum, then demolishing the building and declaring that they needed to raise millions of dollars to put up a new building. Kind of reminds me of how we wound up in Iraq.
Peace

//The Magic 8-Ball remains on vacation\\

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Let your heart be light
Just for now,
our troubles will be out of sight

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Make the Yule-tide gay,
For one night,
our troubles will be miles away.

Here we are as in olden days,
Happy golden days of yore.
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more.

In a year
We all will be together,
If the Fates allow
And if not, we'll have to muddle through somehow
So have yourself a merry little Christmas now

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "See you later, I'm off to visit Cousin Snow-Globe."\\

Maybe, Just Maybe...

...Bush has finally gone too far.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "You people need a different kind of ball for this subject".\\

What a Thing to Say

It's hard to be religious when certain people aren't struck by lightning

My name is Borg. James Borg. Agent 007 of 9. Licensed to assimilate.

God wants spiritual fruits, not religious nuts

GOVERNMENT.SYS corrupt. Reboot Washington, DC? (y/n)

For best results, avoid doing stupid things

It's you and me against the world. We attack AFTER coffee.

The secret message in pi is in Hebrew--we'll have to start decoding from the end

How many copyeditors does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Do you mean "change a lightbulb" or "have sex in a lightbulb"? Please clarify.

ORDINARY Callifragilisticexpialidocious not good enough for you?

If atheism is a religion, baldness is a hair color

Whenever there are sacrifices, there is someone collecting sacrifices

Touched by His Noodly Appendage

I am Letterman of Borg. Top ten reasons why resistance is futile....

I find your lack of CLUE disturbing

I want a "do it for me" button that pushes itself

If your coalition isn't driving you crazy, it isn't broad enough

I'm not sure what a sentient Google would be like, but I wouldn't try a denial of service attack on it

The market can stay irrational longer than you can stay solvent

Once again, a harmless gasoline fight ends in pointless tragedy

Real swordplay is about ending fights for survival. Film swordplay is about prolonging fights for entertainment.*

*Insert here your own observation regarding how a bill becomes law.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Nice button. Might I ask where you got it?"\\

There Goes the Judge

FISA judges have never been stingy with warrants, but apparently that quaint due process stuff was too much for Bush to bother with.

Now U.S. District Judge James Robertson finds Bush's dirty little war too much for him, and he's resigning.

Thank you, Judge Robertson, for one more good decision.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Outlook good for a career move."\\

Diaries of an Object

The Diaries of an Object Moving at a Constant Speed across a Frictionless Surface

t = 0 Days
Started moving across the frictionless surface at a constant velocity v.
Don't actually know how I got to this speed, considering one second I was at rest and the next thing I know I was moving at a constant positive speed. Maybe I'm thinking too much. Whatever.

t = 1 Days
Moving at a constant velocity v. Everything's a go.

t = 2 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity v. Getting bored.

t = 5 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity v. Wish I had bought some reading materials at that newstand I saw at t = 3.5632. But then again, it's not as if I could stop.

t = 8 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity v. Lucky thing I'm an abstract geometric object whose center of mass is located at a spot that is easy to pinpoint so I could be studied easily by people who don't know calculus. If I was, say, a penguin, then I would've starved to death already.

t = 20 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity v. Wishing now that I'm a penguin and have already starved to death.

t = 53 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity v. Saw a cute parellelopipped going in the opposite direction at constant velocity -v. Should've asked her for her number.

t = 54 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity v. Am wishing that I'm a penguin. If I was, I'd be able to do something about the fact that I am horny thinking about the parallelopipped seeing how I'd have arms and genitals. I could, in fact, alter my trajectory my masturbating. But wait, if I was a penguin I wouldn't think that parellelopippeds are hot, unless I had a geometry fetish. And I'd also be dead and possibly less bored.

t = 153 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity v. Maybe at one point I was a penguin sliding down frictionless surfaces, but I had a geometry fetish and God sent me to this hell after I died during an inelastic collusion with another Penguin.

t = 639 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity v. Am going insane and seeing fractals. I should not have watched that movie with the Mandelbrot set sticking its infinitely many tentacles into a Merger's Sponge dressed as a Catholic schoolgirl the night before taking this trip.

t = 2784 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity v. Am contemplating the nature of the universe. Am I on a sphere? A cylinder? A torus? Or maybe I'm on an infinite plane.

t = 6493 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity v. Wishing for the sweet embrace of a warm electromagnetic field. Crying doesn't help.

t = 85373929 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity v. I think I've figured it out. Given the velocity of the cute parallelopipped, the speed of light, mating habits of penguins, a probabilistic model involing a mathematician, a physicist, an engineer and a bar, and the eight branches of mathematics I developed in the last 80 million days I have figured out the exact nature of existence--

t = t_1 Days
Collided with an abstract geometric object moving at a constant velocity –v. Am now moving at a constant velocity -v. What was I thinking about before the collision? Oh, well. Who am I? What day is today?

t = t_1 + 213 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity -v. Very very bored. Images of fractals having sex with each other as well as equations and symbols I have never seen before keep haunting me. Wish I had hands and a knife so I could commit suicide.

t = t_1 + 85373876 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity -v. Was reaching the zenith of my insanity when I finally saw that cute parallelopippen again. I think I remember almost everything now. At this rate, I could reconstruct all my results in about two months

t = t_1 + 85373929 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity -v. Was almost complete with calculations when I saw incoming object moving at a constant velocity v. Am now bracing for impact.

t = t_2 Days
Started moving across the frictionless surface at a constant velocity v. Don't actually know how I got to this speed, considering that one second I was at rest and the next thing I know I was moving at a constant positive speed. Maybe I'm thinking too much. Whatever.

From KingCranky II:

U.S. forces guarded Cheney with weapons at the ready while Iraqi soldiers, who had no weapons, held their arms out as if they were carrying imaginary guns.

"The Syrian border is back under Iraq control now," U.S. Lt. Gen. Marty Dempsey told the vice president, pointing to a map of Iraqi troop locations. "When people say, 'When will Iraq take control of its own security?' the answer truly is it already has."

Yep, that imaginary weapons strategy we're helping the Iraqis out with is sure paying off in a treasure trove of nonviolence & success now

Well, those imaginary nuclear bombs didn't work out so well, but they're hoping they can at least manage imaginary rifles.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Maybe."\\

Two Bush Jokes and One Bush Non-Joke

A Bush joke:

How many members of the Bush Administration are needed to replace a
lightbulb?

The Answer is SEVEN:

1. one to deny that a lightbulb needs to be replaced

2. one to attack and question the patriotism of anyone who has questions about the lightbulb,

3. one to blame the previous administration for the need of a new lightbulb,

4. one to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of lightbulbs,

5. one to get together with Vice President Cheney and figure out how to pay Halliburton Industries one million dollars for a lightbulb,

6. one to arrange a photo-op session showing Bush changing the lightbulb while dressed in a flight suit and wrapped in an American flag,

7. and finally one to explain to Bush the difference between screwing a lightbulb and screwing the country.

Another Bush joke:

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent
strain of Sexually Transmitted Disease. The disease is contracted through
dangerous and high-risk behavior. The disease is called
Gonorrhea Lectim and pronounced "gonna re-elect him."

Many victims contracted it in 2004, after having been screwed for the past
four years. Cognitive characteristics of individuals infected include:
anti-social personality disorders, delusions of grandeur with messianic
overtones, extreme cognitive dissonance, inability to incorporate new
information, pronounced xenophobia and paranoia, inability to accept
responsibility for own actions, cowardice masked by misplaced bravado,
uncontrolled facial smirking, ignorance of geography and history,
tendencies
towards evangelical theocracy, categorical all-or-nothing behavior.
Naturalists and epidemiologists are amazed at how this destructive disease
originated only a few years ago from a bush found in Texas.

Not a joke:

"Today, for two separate reasons, has been an incredible day in America. First, the United States has legitimized torture and secondly, the President has admitted to an impeachable offense."

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "The laugh is on all of you."\\

Tool Rools

Sent to me by Sarah the calibration technician:

>[pasted from a model engineering list!]
>
>1. If you can't find a screwdriver, use a knife.
> If you break off the tip, it's an improved screwdriver.
>
>2. Try to work alone. An audience is rarely any help.
>
>3. Despite what you may have been told by your mother, praying
>and cursing are both helpful in home repair ... but only if you
>are working alone.
>
>4. Work in the kitchen whenever you can ... many fine tools are
>there, it's warm and dry, and you are close to the refrigerator.
>
>5. If it's electronic, get a new one ... or consult a
>twelve-year-old.
>
>6. Stay simple minded: Get a new battery; replace the bulb or
>fuse; see if the tank is empty; try turning it to the "on"
>switch; or just paint over it.
>
>7. Always take credit for miracles. If you dropped the alarm
>clock while taking it apart and it suddenly starts working,
>you have healed it.
>
>8. Regardless of what people say, kicking, pounding, and
>throwing sometimes DOES help.
>
>9. If something looks level, it is level.
>
>10. If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
>
>11. Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works,
>then it isn't stupid.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Many a truth were first spoken in jest."\\

Error Message

You've already seen this, but what the hell....

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Hell indeed."\\

Pro-Life

Which international organization

* provides mobile health-care units in Bolivia, Colombia, Guatemala, and the Dominican Republic, providing some of the world's poorest people with the only medical care they are getting?

* offers HIV testing and counseling in remote regions, overcoming ignorance and prejudice?

* provides the only safe place for many teenagers in Peru, Mexico, Brazil and Colombia to talk about their sexuality?

* uses boats to deliver medical supplies to Colombian peasants caught in the crossfire of an endless civil war?

Why, who else but those dirty rotten anti-life elitist, the International Planned Parenthood Foundation?

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Examine your assumptions carefully."\\

What Do You Mean, "There is no Plan B?"

There certainly ought to be.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Hear, hear."\\

Christmas Merriment

Thanks to the good folks at Democrats.com, a merry little song about the people for whom every day is Christmas: credit card companies.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Ho. Ho. Ho."\\

Cory Maye

Same old story: black man kills white intruder, gets strung up. White man kills black intruder, gets a medal.

What the hell else is new?

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Why bother asking?"\\

A Two-Fer

Captured al Qaida officer Ibn Sheikh al-Libby (apparently no relation) was the source of "intelligence" claiming that Saddam Hussein had substantial ties with al Qaida. Captured by the CIA, he underwent "extraordinary rendition" to Egypt for "interrogation". He made the claim, in great detail, so that the Egyptians would stop torturing him.

Thereby demolishing that silliness about "access to the same intelligence" and also demonstrating how much information obtained through torture is worth.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Just because something is both true and important does not mean that anyone will care".\\

Wal-Mart

What the heck, let's keep piling onto Wal-Mart.

Wal-Mart: Killing Local Businesses One Main Street at a Time

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Speak the truth to power".\\

Yes, Really

The 2004 election was stolen.

This crazy whackjob moonbat conspiracy theory has been brought to you by the GAO

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Next question".\\

An Effective Anti-Evolution Argument

Kansas University professor Paul Mirecki challenged creationists to offer substantive arguments for "Intelligent Design", and they answered in the only fashion possible: by beating him bloody.

It's a very effective argument. If. Dr. Mirecki hasn't learned his lesson, they only need to apply it again, and again, until their point finally sinks in.

Works like a charm, provided you have enough tire irons to go around.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Surprise, surprise."\\

Expensive-Looking

I carried an expensive-looking red glass candy dish up to the lookout tower this morning.

Well, actually, we don't have a lookout tower on top of the house, and I just came upstairs, to the computer station across from Waldy's room.

And it isn't really a red glass candy dish, it's a broken taillight cover from some sporty late-model car.

But it is expensive-looking.

I found it the other day, lying next to the left rear corner of our 1990 Ford van. The corner was slightly creased and the small, modest taillight was unharmed. Clearly, someone had carelessly backed out of a parking space and run into the van.

I honestly don't mind that someone hit-and-ran on our van. It's already a beat-up old thing, and it will only look tougher and less like something you'll want to mess with, and the driver of the car with the fashionable taillight will clearly be paying a steep price to have his/her car restored to pristine condition.

And we do have this lovely candy dish as a remembrance of the occasion.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Schadenfreude is bad karma, but this is a small dose".\\

What's Up With That?

I used to be able to change the date-stamp on my posts, but now suddenly I can't. Did Blogspot change its policies, or is this something that Firefox does to my link to Blogspot, or what? Anybody know?

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Reply hazy, ask again later."\
UPDATE: I finally found it, now under "Post and Comment Options", and celebrated by moving this post from its original location, 9:42AM on 6 December 2005.

*SIGH*

[Displaced from 4:44PM, 3 December 2005]

Blaming the victim? Passe. The cool thing these days is to prosecute her.
*SIGH*
http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/2005/12/dont-just-blame-victim-prosecute-her.html
//The Magic 8-Ball says, "You make me glad I'm in here and not out there with you freaks."\\

Cheaters, Prospering

Okay, I know, it's routine for video games to have "cheat codes" written into them, and for the game companies to actually advertise them.

Yes, okay, routine for most video games.

But for The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe . . . ?

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "What's your point?"\\

Pibgorn

[Recycled from "12:01PM", 21 January 2005]

Kathe and I were looking up web sites where we could read comic strips, because the Oregonian is dropping some that we like. We did find Safe Havens and Judge Parker, but we also found some really remarkable strips, of which the strangest is surely Pibgorn.

A fairy on Earth, getting into all sorts of trouble. Friendly humans, hostile humans, a kindly succubus, a hypnotically-generated broom closet. Wow.

Check it out. Feel free to come back here and scold me if you don't like it.

Right vs. Wrong

[Recycled from 10:40PM, 15 Febryary 2005]

In class, the concept of developing a moral sense came up. According to one Kohlberg, people start out operating at a "pre-conventional" level of punishments and authority, then move the a "conventional" level of law and tradition, and some people (though this is supposed to be reserved for the truly thoughtful) move on to a "post-conventional" morality of the social contract, or perhaps even to the saintly level of the universally ethical.
My impression, though, is that people always perceive themselves as looking upon the world from atop the One True Universal Ethic, and meddle in punishments, authority and law only when they need to explain themselves to someone else. That's how it feels to me, anyway.
Anyone have any thoughts on this?

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "You know what's right".\\

History Lesson

[Recycled from 1:01PM, 2 February 2005]

I am teaching a history class this term at WVCS. A small class, but that just means I'll be able to tailor it to the needs and interests of the students.

We spent a large part of our first session walking around the block that holds the building where class is meeting, looking at patches in the sidewalk and bricked-up windows in buildings, seeing how much of the buildings' history we could divine from the clues left behind.

Oh, and about those students' needs? They're pretty substantial. None of them could identify the reference when we came upon a graffito that read "Big Brother is Watching You".

But, we'll work on it.

[Update, 12 December 2005: The students were not the most receptive (let alone perceptive) you could ask for, but I think we made some progress. Alas, the school will henceforth have to get along without me, and also without Kathe, whose efforts as a board member sustained the school through quite a few difficult years.]

Revenge is a Dish Best Served By Tossing It Out The Window

[Recycled from 7:56PM, 22 January 2005]

I received the following e-mail because I attend the Corvallis Monthly Meeting of the Religious Society of the Friends of Christ, and Friends are invited to "season" it, which is Quaker jargon for thinking it over, talking it over, &c.

So, do any of you have any seasonings you'd like to stir into the pot?

renee@thestringhams.com

Dear Friends,

On 16 January 2005 Salem Friends Meeting passed the following minute on peace. We wished to send it to all WQM member meetings and have it seasoned before it is read at WQM Meeting on the Occasion of business 12 February 2005. It is our intention to invite minutes on Peace for North Pacific Yearly Meeting to consider in July 2005.



The Salem Friends Meeting of the Religious Society of Friends feels called to speak out concerning the escalation of war and revenge. For more than 350 years, Quakers have affirmed that there is always a peaceful alternative to violence. In light of our faith, and particularly because we live in today’s world filled with weapons that threaten all life on earth, we declare our reliance on God’s love and will. We testify to people everywhere that we want no one to be harmed or threatened by violence, for any reason whatsoever.

We believe that the root causes of conflicts must be understood and addressed. We must strive to ensure that our actions are neither stimulated by violent rhetoric nor motivated by desires for revenge or domination. We search out and heal the seeds of war within ourselves as well as within our local, national and international communities. As individuals and as a Society, we must learn, support, and use reconciliation, conflict resolution, and love to communicate in all disputes. We recognize that equity and justice are necessary for providing stable and safe environments.

The United Nations has declared this to be the Decade for Building a Culture of Peace and Non-Violence for the Children of the World. We, the Salem Friends Meeting, are committed to a sustainable and peaceful future for all children around the world.



Please season this with your Meetings before WQM if possible, and if you have comments, feel free to share them with us.

Sincerely,
Renee Stringham, clerk
Salem Friends Meeting

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Don't look at me, it's your problem."\\

Welcome to the New American Century

[Recycled from 11:03AM, 28 January 2005]

The sun was bright and the sky was clear as I climbed the lookout tower this morning. I intended to post a message rigtht away, but first I fiddled around with my e-mail, and then darned a couple of socks while listening to the Books on Tape edition of A Clash of Kings by George R. R. Martin. Eventually I opened an e-mail from Act For Change and found something I really ought to blog about.

Back when I first heard of the Project for a New American Century, I was skeptical. True, they called for trumping up an invasion of Iraq on whatever flimsy premise was available, and true, the group included people who are now pulling levers behind the curtain, but that didn't necessarily mean that the Project's wider goals of war in a dozen nations and global hegemony were going to be Bush administration policy.

But then Act For Change passed the word to me about Seymour Hersch's article in the New Yorker.

Oh, crumb. It's all true.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "My sources indicate yes".\\

Oh, Why Not?

I got one of those e-mails recently. You know, this kind:

> This one is a little different than the traditional ones.
>
> Welcome to the Summer 2005 edition of getting to know your friends. What you
> are supposed to do is copy this entire e-mail and paste it onto a new e-mail
> that you'll send. Change all the answers so they apply to you, and then send
> this to a whole bunch of people including the person who sent it to you. The
> theory is that you will learn a lot of little things about your friends and
> family, if you did not know them already.
>
> Don't forget to send it back to me!!!
>
>
>
1. First name: John
2. Were you named after anyone? My grandfather, who chose the name "John" because he didn't like having a last name for a first name.
3. Do you wish on stars? Yes
4. When did you last cry? Last week. I've been having a hard year.
5. Do you like your handwriting? Works for me
6. What is your favorite lunch meat? Black Forest ham
7. What is your birth date? 10 August 1960
8. What is your most embarrassing CD? Most embarrassing is the extreme paucity of CDs -- we're still into audiocassettes
9. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with yourself? Hell, yes -- that guy gives really good backrubs.
10. Are you a daredevil? I'd like to think I'm more of a Howard the Duck
11. Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell? Yes. Shouldn't have, but I did
12. Do looks matter? Yes
13. How do you release anger? Fantasize revenge until I start to feel disgusted with myself
14. Where is your second home? Here in front of the computer
15. Do you trust others too easily? Dubious
16. What was your favorite toy as a child? Major Matt Mason
17. What class in high school do you think was totally useless? High school is useless
18. Do you have a journal? Yes. And how long has it been since I wrote in it . . . ?
19. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Certainly not. How could you even ask such a thing?
20. Favorite movie(s)? 2001: A Space Odyssey
21. What are your (acceptable) nicknames? That information is need-to-know
22. Would you bungee jump? Sure, why not?
23. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? They don't come off otherwise
24. Do you think that you are strong? Yep
25. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Dacquiri Ice
26. What size shoe do you wear? 10 1/2
27. What are your favorite colors? blue
28. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? Forgetfulness
29. Who do you miss most? Becca
30. Do you want everyone you send this to send it back? Gee, that would be cool
31. What color pants are you wearing? I'm in my bathrobe, wearing white thermal longies which I'm in the process of decorating with rainbow-colored yarn so they'll go with my famous much-mended shirt.
32. What are you listening to right now? The Mysterious Traveller, an old radio show, downloaded from themonsterclub.com
33. What was the last thing you ate? A slice of sweet potato pie.
34. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Salmon
35. What is the weather like right now? Raining something awful
36. Last person you talked to on the phone? My grandmother, who stayed home from the Thanksgiving gathering because she had a cold
37. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? That information is also need-to-know
38. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Yes. Make of that what you will.
39. Favorite drink? Cafe mocha
40. Favorite sport? Middle-school soccer
41. Hair Color? Brown, but in my heart it's still red
42. Eye Color? Blue
43. Do you wear contacts? Only one
44. Favorite Food? Mexi-Snax hot tortilla chips
45. Last Movie You Watched? The Forgotten
46. Favorite Day of the Year? Christmas, if I have it off.
47. Scary movies or happy endings? Happy endings. I am accused of liking horror movies, but the truth is I just like monsters, and it would be all the same to me if the monster was working in a hardware store.
48. Summer or winter? Summer.
49. Hugs or kisses? Food or oxygen?
50. Favorite dessert? Vanilla ice cream and Oreos
51. Most likely to respond? Peni R. Griffin will probably post a comment on my blog, but probably won't fill out the whole questionnaire
52. Least likely to respond? My dear friend Bella, who has sadly dropped out of sight.
53. Where do you want to go on your next vacation? Wherever the family is gathering for their next reunion, probably southern California
54. What books are you reading? Haber's Medical Dictionary -- it's swell
55. What's on your mouse pad? Blueness
56. What did you watch on TV last night? Some of the Firefly marathon on the SciFi Channel. I'm hoping ot watch more of it with Kathe later
57. Favorite smells? I have a feeble sense of smell.
58. Rolling Stones or Beatles? Beatles
59. What's the furthest you've been away from home? Virginia, when I was in the Navy
60. What do you have more of, pocket books or shoes? Shoes.
Who writes these things, anyway?

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Um, did you want me to answer those?"\\

Dear Bill O'Reilly

I am deeply offended by your suggestion, facetious though I'm sure it was, that al Qaeda bomb the American city of San Francisco. I think you should apologize for saying that.

Is that enough to get on your enemies list, or do I have to get nasty?

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Be direct".\\

Tokyo Rose and Other Unpersons

Eric of isthatlegal.org asked readers of his blog for a title for his book about bureaucratic efforts to judge the loyalty of Japanese Americans interned during the Second World War. He received many suggestions, some serious and other not-so.
I suggested
Black Dragons (referring to the wholly imaginary secret society of Japanese Americans devoted to serving Tojo) and
Tokyo Rose and the Black Dragons
(it sounds like an adventure story, but after a moment you remember that both the arch-traitress Tokyo Rose and the sinister Black Dragon Society were fictions).

//Thge Magic 8-Ball says, "No-one will care".\\

That's Enough

I remember vaguely a cartoon which went something like this: it showed a stereotypical Old West saloon in which most of the cowpokes, dudes, fancy ladies, &c., are quietly drinking, ignoring the man who has another man down on the floor and is viciously beating him. One drinker says to another, "Old Joe Meek is normally a peacable sort, but you don't ever want to rape his wife, beat on his kids, burn down his house and rustle his cattle all on the same day."

My message to Congress for today is, "You don't, you really, truly don't, want to pass a budget that hurts working people, benefits only the rich, and raises the Federal deficit even higher."

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Not all on the same day."\\

The Latest From Flotsam

Kathe's son Jake sends this:

Forget the Intelligent Design/evolution debate - there is something far
more important. For years our children have been taught physics in school
as if it was fact, when in it is really just a bunch of unproven theories.
There is an alternative explanation that I think should be put forward for
the sake of balance. I refer of course to MAGIC. Think about it -
everything that can be explained by physics can be equally well explained
by magic. How do planes fly? Magic! Why do objects fall towards the earth?
Magic! What makes the sun shine? Magic!

Consider the following facts:

* magic can explain everthing that physics can

* no-one has ever disproved that the universe works by magic

* there are things that physics cannot explain (OK, I cant think of any
right now, but I am sure there are), but they can easily be explained by
magic

* magic has been around far longer than physics

I think that if you objectively consider these facts you will see that
magic is just as valid a scientific theory as physics, and should be
taught as an alternative viewpoint in schools.

As a first step in returning magic to its rightful place in the education
system, I hope you will join me in lobbying your local educators and
lawmakers to have a statement read out in physics classes stating that it
is a valid alternative to conventional scientific theory.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "I liked the kneecapping idea better."

Sometimes It's Hard

There have been times in my life when I found myself saying, "It's so hard, it's just so hard . . . it's all so hard."

This is one of them.

Working forty hours a week at one job, ten or so hours at a couple of other jobs (including my massage practice), school . . . .

Yeah, it's hard all right.

But that's okay. Hard doesn't scare me. I've done hard things before.

But I'll tell you this:

Sometimes it's hard.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "And sometimes it's very hard indeed."\\

What Kind of Peach Would Taste Good Right Now?

Zogby polls show that a majority of the American people favor impeaching George W. Bush, in spite of utter silence on the possibility from Congress and the Liberal Media.

Well, I'm up for it. How about you?

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "The time is now."\\

Dear Christian Right

They're laughing at you.

They think you're stupid.

They take you for granted.

"The wackos get their information through the Christian right, Christian radio, mail, the internet and telephone trees," Scanlon wrote in the memo, which was read into the public record at a hearing of the Senate Indian Affairs Committee. "Simply put, we want to bring out the wackos to vote against something and make sure the rest of the public lets the whole thing slip past them." -- Michael Scanlon

So the question is, are you going to put these people out of your lives?

Or are you as stupid as they think you are?

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Time will tell."\\

Hi There

Between nursing school, a suddenly-busy work schedule and some unpleasant personal matters, I have been skirting close to collapse over the last week or so.

The worst of the chaos is over for now, and I'm not just feeling relieved, but really good. I've got some work hours behind me, I've salvaged a failure at school, and things are looking up generally.

I may even feel up to blogging again.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Don't go overboard."\\

It Was a Cold, Cold War

[Recycled from 23:12, 31 December 2004]

_Dr. Strangelove, or, How I Quit Worrying and Learned to Love the Bomb_, should be part of every school's history curriculum. It would explain everybody over 40 to everybody under 40.

My son once heard the "Huntley-Brinkley Song" ("There's rioting in Africa . . . They're starving in Spain . . . .") on the radio. When they got to the part about how nice it is that the world would soon be blown up, he was horrified. I told him you had to be there: we really were going around saying, "The world is probably going to be destroyed -- but it looks like we deserve it."

Just count me as one more traumatized veteran of the Cold War.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "You never fully recover from your childhood".\\

Rosa Parks

Rosa Parks lies in state in the Capitol rotunda. I am genuinely awed. In spite of all that has gone wrong over the last fifty years (and especially the last five), at least this woman who came to represent the courage and fortitue of millions is receiving some portion of her due.

So far as I know, no-one has asked her to give up her seat to him, although I hope Trent Lott will be kept out of the rotunda, lest he mistake her casket for a seat.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Accentuate the positive."\\

Love Conquers All

[Recycled from 8 February 2005]

Joe: Hi, Charlie, haven't seen you since before the election.

Charlie: Well, I've been busy.

Joe: Not preparing legal challenges to Measure 36, I hope?

Charlie: I've done a little work on those, but mostly just family stuff.

Joe: Come on, give it up. You and Bob, you have your . . .

Charlie: Marriage, Joe, we have a marriage. You may not recognize it --

Joe: And neither does the government, and it never will. Get used to it.

Charlie: Joe, we aren't going to give up, and you had better get used to that.

Joe: Look, I like you as an individual, but you'ver got to face facts: I'm a member of a movement, a big one, and collectively . . . we, collectively, hate you, collectively. Sorry to be so blunt about it.

Charlie: No, I find it refreshing. But you're still not going to win this one.

Joe: We will. Because we hate you more than you hate us.

Charlie: I won't deny that we, collectively, hate you, collectively. That's just human nature when someone attacks you. But you're missing something important.

Joe: Yeah?

Charlie: You don't hate us more than we love our families. That's why when you tire and falter, we will keep right on going, and win.

Mean People

[Recycled from 5 February 2005]

(Recycled from 17 August 2004, because you'll never see it buried in the archives, and this one deserves to be seen by more people. Also, I didn't have anythign for today)

I saw it probably awhile after you first did, because things tend to reach Oregon slowly, if at all. It said

MEAN
PEOPLE
SUCK

I couldn't disagree with the sentiment, but I wondered if it really contributed anything to public discourse.

Later, I saw a new one:

NICE
PEOPLE
SWALLOW

Now it seemed we were getting somewhere. Another undeniable truth, and a more positive one. Where would we go from there?

All over the map, as it turned out:

MEAN
PEOPLE
KICK ASS

Again, true, but unproductive.

MEAN
PEOPLE
MAKE
LITTLE
MEAN
PEOPLE

They don't have to -- break the cycle of abuse!

NO
YOU
SUCK

Tsk -- that's unproductive.

PEOPLE
SUCK
ME

In your dreams, big boy.

MEAN
PEOPLE
ARE
HURTING

That one needed to be said.

And so on.

But people (mean or otherwise) seem to have missed a very good one, so here it is:

SAYING
PEOPLE
SUCK
IS
MEAN

And it is. Don't use that word, find a better way to express your disappointment with someone's meanness.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Meanness is undesirable."\\

Swanks a Lot

From: swanksalot
Date: January 20th, 2005 - 09:18 pm

Q: How many Bush Administration officials does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None. There is nothing wrong with the light bulb; its conditions are improving every day. Any reports of its lack of incandescence are a delusional spin from the liberal media. That light bulb has served honorably, and anything you say undermines the lighting effect. Why do you hate freedom?

Food Not Bombs

[Recycled from 19:26, 23 January 2005]

Sounds like a good idea to me.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Me, too."\\

My blog is worth $7,339.02.
How much is your blog worth?

I'm Online: There Are Worse Places To Be

[Recycled from 00:58, 12 January 2005]

Some nights, I wonder why I bother to climb up here to the lookout tower. Then again, there are mights when I find out amazing things:

** Iapetus has a seam. Dern thing looks like it came out of a mold.

** People actually read blogs. Sometimes they even get bad legislation withdrawn. I'm reminded of the old Western Union commercial showing a Congressman literally buried in a pile of indignant telegrams, saying, astonished, "They don't agree!"

** There actually is a way to report on REMFsfeld's plan to unleash death squads on the Iraqi people and be funny about it, not burst out in a full-throated scream.

Like I said, amazing.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "You find what you look for."\\

Bush is No Hitler

[Recycled from 16:09, 11 January 2005]

I am deeply offended, as all right-thinking people are, by extremists who, in words or in pictures, compare George W. Bush with Adolf Hitler.

Anyone who has studied history can see that Bush, with his belief in swift military victories as the key to energizing his people and renewing their traditional religious values, is not Hitler.

He's Tojo.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Hardy har har."\\

The Question and an Answer

From Living in a Fascist State by Lewis H. Lapham:

It does no good to ask the weakling's pointless question, "Is America a fascist
state?" We must ask instead, in a major rather than a minor key, "Can we make
America the best damned fascist state the world has ever seen?"

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "You are asking the wrong question."\\

Good Heavens, It's True!

There really are Nazi Olsen Twins, and they exist in this familiar world of ours, not in the Evil Mirror Universe.

It's all true.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "You did notice before you asked me that I'm black didn't you?"\\

Minimum Wage

[Recycled from 13:50, 27 December 2004]

Writing for the Portland Oregonian today, Paul F. deLespinasse repeats the old claim that raising the minimum wage will result in jobs being eliminated, growth being retarded, and poor people worse off than if their wages had remained low.

It sounds perfectly logical. Higher wages means greater costs for the employers, so naturally the minimum wage would be a deadly trap, doomed to failure.

Perfectly logical. Just ain't so.

Click any of the links above and see for yourself.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Sit down before Truth like a little child."\\

The Party of Treason

I sit up here, watching gorgeous clouds slide past the just-past-full Moon, thinking how pretty the night is compared with the gray, overcast day that preceded it, and think that there comes a time to call a spade a goddamn shovel:

"America is ignoring the Geneva Conventions because our president feels that winning this war is so paramount. Our Congress has watered down our civil rights laws. We have jailed American citizens with no access to legal counsel. And our President even believes it is worth lying to the American people in order to wage this so-important battle. All this because we are a nation at war and nothing will be permitted to stand in the way of this life-and-death struggle.

"But when a senior aide to the President of the United States endangers the life of an undercover CIA agent, her colleagues and contacts around the world - when he chooses to put at risk our entire effort to uncover weapons of mass destruction before they are used to kill millions in an American city - what response do we get from the Bush White House and the Republican Party? A defensive (offensive) shrug."

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "A time to every purpose under Heaven".\\

Oops

Click above to sign a petition calling on members of Congress to admit they were wrong in supporting George W. Bush's invasion of Iraq.

It's the least they can do.

The very, very least.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Exceed the minimum".\\

A Military Failure

[Recycled from 13:01, 22 December 2005]

No, not that one, a smaller, less costly, less visible one, but possibly a more damaging one in the long run.

George W. Bush's "National Missile Defense" system, formerly known as the "Strategic Defense Initiative", has been trying to shield the United States against Soviet ICBMs since back when there still was a Soviet Union.

And it's still out there, still hemorrhaging money, and still producing . . . nothing.

We could have gone to Mars, or maybe even armored a few military vehicles, with this much money and that many years, and instead . . . .

Instead, you can click on these links and see what your money has bought you.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Don't throw good money after bad."\\

Passin' Through

[Recycled from 13:01, 26 December 2004]

(Chorus)
Passin' through, passin' through
Sometimes happy, sometimes blue, glad that I ran into you
Tell the people that they're only passin' through

I saw Jesus on the cross, on that hill called Calvary
"Do ya hate mankind for what they done to you?"
He said, "Talk of love, not hate, things to do, it's gettin' late
I've so little time, I'm only passin' through

I shivered with George Washington one night at Vally Forge
"Why do the soldiers freeze here like they do?"
He said "Men will suffer, fight, even die for what is right
Even though they know they're only passin' through"

I rode with Yuri Gagarin, alone above the Earth
"You're far from home, now what's in this for you?"
"We must rise above our fear, step out on this new frontier
There's no stopping here, we're still just passin' through"

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "That's one way to put it".\\

I Am a Hippie Kid

But you knew that already, didn't you?
Kathe notes that our answers and our scores were remarkably similar. Funny, we don't dress alike. :-)

Hippie Kid 40% Tastefulness, 65% Originality, 33% Deliberateness, 36% Sexiness

[Flamboyant Original Random Prissy] The idea of "good taste" is alien to you because how can one style be judged better than the other? You are also not the one to follow what someone has currently decided is "fashionable." To you it's most important that you feel good in your clothes. You like it if people notice an interesting detail you're wearing and you have some taste for extravagance but you don't spend hours composing outfits. This laid-back attitude leaves you plenty of time for other things in life and still most people remember a few interesting outfits they saw on you. I don't know if you wear hippy clothes but perhaps they would match your philosophy? The opposite style from yours is Uptown Girl/Boy [Tasteful Conventional Deliberate Sexy]. All the categories: Fashion Enemy Bar Cruiser Kid Next Door Sex Bomb Hippie Kid Fashion Rebel Fashion Artist Catwalk God(ess) Librarian Sporty Hottie Office Master Uptown Girl/ Boy Brainy Student Movie Star Fashionista Glamorous Soul

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 0% on Tastefulness You scored higher than 88% on Originality You scored higher than 0% on Deliberateness You scored higher than 11% on Sexiness

Link: The Fashion Style Test written by mari-e on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Russians Claim They Invented Blogging First

Boy, am I dating myself with that headline, or what?

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Yes."\\

There Are Four Lights

I can see them quite clearly, Mister President.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Yes."\\

Petition to Replace Stewart Simonson

Because we can't afford to have an unqualified crony-of-a-crony do a "heckuva job" protecting the nation from influenza.

"Go . . . Go . . . Go . . . ."

The very best of luck to Fei Junlong and Nie Haisheng.

Take care of yourselves, guys.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Distance can bring perspective."\\

Sound Monetary Policy

[Recycled from 18:51, 14 December 2004]

I am a member of a small and as of the present not-very-successful barter network called the HOUR Exchange (www.hourexchange.com). In the current issue of their publication, the Hour Trader, they reprint excerpts from R0obert Swann's "Putting Power in its Place" and the E.F. Schumacher Society's "A Place of Local Currency in the World Economy". These essays can be found also at www.smallisbeautiful.org

Essentially, it shows how many of the world's current ills are the result of structural inefficiencies and weaknesses in the current monetary system, which exists mainly to serve the interests of global capital.

Please note, I didn't say global capitalism, or Global Capitalism, or even the globe's capitalists -- I said global capital, and if you don't think *that* is a dangerous beast, you haven't been paying much attention.

There is some wisdom to be found in this composite essay, but I'm afraid I don't care much for the primary solution offered at the conclusion: a "universal" measure of value which would be agreed upon by thousands of local banks and currency boards and which would be based on something objective (gold, kilowatt-hours, sacks of wheat) and which would be extremely stable over the long term.

Problem, is, there obviously is no such thing, and can't be. The price of any commodity, even the most basic, is inevitably going to vary over time, relative to any other commodity. Indeed, relative to every other commodity. Heck, even the relative value of gold to silver is embarrassingly elastic.

The closest we could come to such a stable standard of value would be a universal currency embraced by all the world's banks and national treasuries, perhaps an expansion of the Euro into the "Globo" -- exactly the opposite of the sort of system that Schumacherians would support.

As for me, I think that global capital is indeed a danger to civilization, trapping us in genocidal and ecocidal variations on the Prisoner's Dilemma. But I also think we could control the beast if we chose to, and under control it would provide a reasonably good system for bringing the world together and providing for everyone's needs -- much the way U.S. corporations, restrained by Federal, local, labor group and consumer group power, used to serve the needs of working people.

Which reminds me: before we reform global capital, we need to get our own country back from the drunken bullies. But that's a post for another time.

Also, remind me to tell you about the Gross National Value, the measure nobody is measuring.

Utterly Shameless

I got home after dark tonight, and begged Kathe to put off her bath and come for a walk with me. I'd seen Frozen Burrito Stadium all lit up for some sort of night-time activity and wanted her to see it also. It really was worth the trip to see it.

We got there just in time, too. We went up to the top of the new parking garage and looked the stadium over, and by the time we got back down to street level, they'd turned the lights out.

When we got home and I started looking at news, my mood darkened a bit, too.

George W. Bush, his Education Secretary Margaret Spellings, and Congressional Republicans have found something to sacrifice for the sake of hurricane reconstruction:

Desegregation.

These people are utterly shameless.

But I will say "Shame on them" anyway.

Shame, shame, shame.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "A foolish consistency is a hobgoblin. Consistent evil is a Balrog."\\

Okay, You Did It

You spammers forced me to turn on "word verification". Poop on all of you spammers, and all your bots.

John Needs . . . .

Current mood: If you can't tell my current mood by reading the words below, I have failed at this job.

I saw something amazing tonight, not long after sunset. There was a patch of cloud, part of it covering the lovely crescent Moon, which was made up of straight parallel streaks. And when I say straight, I mean like a ruler, and when I say parallel I mean like furrows in a plowed field.

It was the damnedest thing. Kathe saw it, too. I wish I'd been up in the lookout tower to see it, although in that case it wouldn't have been so unusual, since it would have been imaginary.

I got this from neonnurse, who got it from kip_w, who got it from autopope, who doesn't say where he got it (good thing, or we'd never get to my needs): Google "[YOUR NAME HERE] needs" and let Googlomancy tell you what you need.

"John needs help" -- No, I'm a big boy, and Kathe takes good care of me when I can't take care of myself, and I've also got both parents living, so no, I don't need any additional help.

"John needs a new name" -- No, I don't. I like being John. So there.

"John needs a good home" -- Wrong again. I particularly like the one I've lived in for the last 21 years, and have no intention of leaving. I am seriously beginning to doubt the efficacy of this form of divination.

"John needs to see Almost Famous" -- I might catch it cometime, but I can live without it.

"John needs your bone marrow" -- What . . . on . . . Earth . . . ? Okay, one more miss and I'm going back to the exclusive use of my Magic 8-Ball.

"When spoken to, John needs a few seconds to gather his response" -- Okay, that one's very definitely true, impressively so.

"John needs a way to assign an item's UUID to an attribute" -- Uhhh . . . . Should have quit while I was ahead.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Oh, so now you ask me?"\\

Harriett Miers

Oh, well. Once on the Court, away from Bush's direct daily influence, she will be eager to latch, remora-like, onto some other strong personality and follow his/her lead in all things. Maybe we'll luck out, and she'll attach herself to Ginsburg or Stevens.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Outlook hazy, ask again later."\\

Gross National Value

[Recycled from 18 December 2004]

I first ran into the concept of Gross National Value in Katherine Maclean's novel The Missing Man, where it was called "gross national use value".

GNV is simply the total value of everything (public property, private property, personal property). This idstinguishes it from Gross National Product, which is concerned only with the price paid for things which actually were bought and sold in a given year.

GNV can be calculated quite well by considering the prioces brought by comparable property which is bought and sold each year. It may rise or fall, according to markets and supplies, and it must remain hypothetical (since the price of anything would drop if *all* of it were put on the market), but it can still tell us useful things about what we have and what it's worth.

Note all the things that contribute to GNV that are ignored by GNP, and vice versa: a new pair of shoes that costs $45 and is worn out and has to be replaced in six months adds $90 to the GNP. Shoes bought two years ago for $60 add nothing to GNP, but if they are in good shape will add at least $20 to GNV. Demolishing a Victorian house and putting up an apartment cube adds half a million dollars to GNP, but GNV regards it as a net gain of only $200k, subtracting the value of the old house. Development of greenfield land may be a net GNV loss, while cleaning up a toxic waste site may boost GNV by millions at a cost of a few thousand.

Yes, it's true, GNV is just a made-up number, and decisions based on it will always have to be suspect, but when has that ever stopped us before? At the very least, isn't it time we started choosing our own made-up numbers to worship?

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "23 - 56 - 93 - 4"\\

Dear Kinko's

[Recycled from 01:23, 20 December 2004]

First of all, folks, thank you for putting comment cards in your shop. That was considerate and, if I may say, courageous of you.

We do quite a bit of photocopying, and we used to do a lot of it at Kinko's, but all that changed when you started using this "card" system, demanding that we buy prepaid cards, feed them with money, insert them into the machines, take the card to a cash register at the other end of the store and wait for someone to come to take our money, &c., &c.

We were in the other day to photocopy our Christmas letter, because the independent copy shop downtown wasn't open on Sunday. Our experience at your shop reinforced our resolution not to go to Kinko's ever again.

Thank you, Kinko's, for making it easier for us to support locally-owned businesses.

[Update: Still haven't gone back, either.]

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Do the right thing."\\

"Affection"?

[Recycled from 01:20, 3 December 2004]

Robert Meyer (or "junkyarddog58", as he seems to like to be called), writes:

"By obliterating the uniqueness and sanctity of marriage, they [gay couples seeking to marry legally] tend to homogenize and trivialize it by celebrating any affectionate relationship in general."

With these words, he seeks to obliterate these couples'love and reduce it to an "affectionate relationship".

Similar language is found in Michael Coren's posting. Incredibly, he writes as a member of an organization called the "Catholic Civil Rights League".

"Affection."

Thus do they demonstrate the truth of the adage that the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. It is this chilly indifference which confirms me in my suspicion that Meyers' flinty heart is in the wrong place, and that the renewal of the liberal tradition on which America was founded is of the utmost importance.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "The difference between what you need and what you get depends in large part on how hard you want."\\

My Martian National Anthem

[Recycled from 29 July 2004 and 4 January 2005, because it's good]

(Chorus)
Inch by inch, row by row
Gonna make this garden grow
Work the soil and the snow
'Til we've made it fertile ground
Inch by inch, row by row
God bless these seeds I sow
Mars warm them from below
'Til the rain comes tumblin' down

Digging frost, crushing stone
Gonna make this world our own
Fertilize it with our bones
Put our life into the land
Mirrors shine, comets fall
Mars awakens at our call
Lots of work, but worth it all
For a planet made by hand

(Chorus)

Awful dry, awful cold
And the soil is awful old
Superoxides won't unfold
'Til you talk to them just right
But we endure, we persist
Old Mars just can't resist
Life works like an alchemist
With water, air and light

(Chorus)

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "To do something, you must first believe it is possible."\\

"And I Always Carry a Purse"

Twisty of I Blame the Patriarchy writes with amusing viciousness of teensy handbags.

I remember an article on purses -- big, voluminous, hold-all-you-own purses -- in Ms. magazine, many years ago. It struck a chord with me, as my family were continuingly puzzled by my insistence on carrying my backpack everywhere I went (not considered cool and grown-up back then).

Now, in nursing school, I find it's time to move up to the wheeled variety that's not so much an oversized purse as a smallish handtruck. Oh, well.

Hold Twisty in the Light, folks. She just found out she has breast cancer.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Do what you have to."\\

In the Light, Beloved, in the Light

Dear Linda Loaiza:

Planned Parenthood has asked me to send you a message of support, so here goes:

Quakers don't go in much for intercessory prayer, but when they do, the jargon is "I will hold you in the Light."

The joking addition is, "so God can see you better."

No joke, Linda, I will indeed hold you in the Light, in full knowledge that God is not missing a thing.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Remember, God is watching."\\

Gonna Be a Nurse . . . I Think

I will, if going to nurse school and working foll-time doesn't knock me flat.

Let's just see, shall we?

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Why not try it and see?"\\

Leonardo Was Not Canadian, But . . . .

[Recycled from 13:01, 27 November 2004]

My lookout tower soars high above the mostly low-lying city of Corvallis, higher even than the County Courthouse downtown (though not as high as the proposed mega-condo that apparently is going to be built down by the riverfront), even higher than some of the Oregon State University buildings up on the hill a few blocks west of me. The lookout would dominate the skyline of the town, except that nobody can see it but me.

Sometimes, climbing the long long ladder to the snug little lookout shelter, I wonder what it would be like to climb aboard an old-fashioned Flash Gordon rocketship:

http://www.arapress.com/aapa.html

What a shame that the real thing was mnever so glamourous-looking.

But that may change, if the da Vinci Project can pull it off:

http://www.davinciproject.com

To the da Vinci Project: Thank you.

[Update, 20 September 2005: They say they're going to do a parachute drop-test of their crew capsule. Not much else in the way of news posted at their site lately.]

///The Magic 8-Bal says, "To travel stylishly is better than to arrive."\\

Myths of the Atomic Age

[Recycled from 13:01, 30 November 2004]

Once a myth is established, it dies hard. And if the truth is extremely painful (the Rape of Nanking, the Holocaust, the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki), the perpetrators and their descendants will cling to it fiercely indeed.

But the truth will out eventually, so long as we keep reminding people that there is a truth:

http://www.kuro5hin.org/story/2004/11/28/121331/44

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "No effort is ever wasted."\\

Don't Be So Negative

If you really want to change things, my friend, you need to stop being so negative.

You've made it clear that you don't approve of the policies of the current administration, but you never seem to have any positive suggestions to make.

You won't make any friends for your cause with such relentless negativity.

You really need to lighten up, Comrade Solzhenitsyn.

[Thanks to Sumo Merriment for today's politically correct link.]

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "What? Who said anything about Bush?"\\

I'm From the Sun

[Recycled from 2 December 2004]

You Are From the Sun

Of all your friends, you're the shining star. You're dramatic - loving attention and the spotlight. You're a totally entertainer and the life of the party. Watch out! The Sun can be stubborn, demanding, and flirty. Overall, you're a great leader and great friend. The very best!

What Planet Are You From?

But I suspect that the program ignores the answers to all the questions except "What's your sign?"

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Some questions need answers. Some don't."\\

New Orleaneans Should Rise (by at least several blocks)

Where will the evacuees from New Orleans go? After all, their former homes are ruined, or even still underwater, right?

True. But according to Naomi Klein in The Nation, in the high-and-dry (okay, high-and-kinda-moist) sections of the city, there is vacant housing for a third or more of the people currently living in shelters.

There is a reason those units were vacant, sometimes for years.

And there is a reason why the various schemes for rebuilding the city make no mention of that vacant housing.

Not only that, but it's the same reason that Halliburton and friends prefer their own ideas about how to rebuild.

What could that reason be?

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "$"\\

Then Again . . .

. . . sometimes you should compare your opponents to Hitler.

Thanks to Americablog for the link to hatecrime.org (although I was actually there because Kathe sent me a link to a picture of the Divine Wiener of Judgment).

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "What you are looking for is not necessarily what you should be looking at."\\

Save Pasargad

In Iran, they've got a new conservative faith-based initiative: There are ancient ruins at Pasargad that haven't been demolished yet, and the bulldozers are ready to roll.

Charming folks, those right-wing Iranian officeholders.

There's a petition you could sign. And if that doesn't seem like much, well, not signing it is a lot less than that.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Couldn't hurt to try."\\

Cowboy Up

[Recycled from 09:49, 23 November 2004]

The sky is gray and overcast in Corvallis, but there's plenty of light, so the town looks pretty good from up here in the lookout tower. The Benton County Courthouse stands out from its neighbors downtown, to the east of me. To the west are the cranes that are working on the stadium, on the OSU campus. I'm going to miss those cranes when they're gone.

[Note, 18 September 2005: I do miss the cranes, but it's interesting to look over to the west and see the towers of the stadium, and the ranks of windows at their tops, so shrunken by distance that they look like glass brick]

There is a bumper sticker I've seen around town lately that reads "My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys", and shows photos of Ronald Reagan and George W. Bush in cowboy hats.

So far, I've resisted the temptation to put a note on his windshield reading "Apparently, your heroes have always been pretend cowboys -- a Hollywood actor who played in westerns and a New England aristocrat who plays cowboy on forty-day weekends at his Texas ranchette."

Americans have an astonishing appetite for the transparently phony. Hillary Clinton pretending clumsily to follow New York sports teams*. Ollie North pretending to be a simple, honest Marine. Those guys who pretended to have served with John Kerry. The doctor who claimed to have treated John Kerry's wounds. John Kerry . . . .

At this point, a lot of people would bring up actors testifying before Congress on the strength of having played an archaeologist or a primatologist or whatever in a movie, but actually, an actor who has done research for a part probably knows more about the subject than most people.

But I do wonder what people are thinking sometimes. Or maybe I should ask why they aren't.

*[Correction: She was telling the truth. My apologies.]

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Things are often not what they are said to be."\\

Stake It Again

Will Eisner's last published work, The Plot, was his history of the hoax of the Twentieth Century, the Protocols of the Learned Elders of Zion

Eisner devoted much of his life to promoting sequential-art storytelling, otherwise known as "comics", as an educational tool, as well as a legitimate art form. He also spent quite a few years proving both claims.

Eisner worked on The Plot for some twenty years, and by great good fortune, it was ready for publication when he died last January. He was fascinated by the way the evil book kept on reappearing, in translation after translation, no matter how many times it had been exposed as a forgery, and no matter how much documentation was produced as proof. Still, Eisner devoted his precious time and his valuable talent to the Augean task of spreading the word that the Protocols were a fraud, and now it has been published by W.W. Norton.

Unfortunately, graphic novels such as the Norton hardback are still only published in small editions for a niche market. What The Plot needs, if it is to be effective, is wide distribution, as wide as possible. If The Plot were published by DC or Marvel as a rather thick comic book and given what's still called "newsstand" distribution to grocery stores and K-Marts, it would have at least some chance of having the impact Eisner hoped for.

So how's about you mention that idea to DC and Marvel?

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "All you can do is whatever you can do."\\